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Two of your hos and a bottle of rum to the first person to name the inspiration for that post title.

I have a confession to make. I hate the book, _The Five Love Languages_. Not because its a bad book. It’s actually a great book with lots of cute stories and suggestions that are totally common sense based. It’s also written in a way that is very relate-able and not-condescending. It’s like the anti Yeezus. You know, if Yeezus was a book and not a frisbee…wait, does anybody cop CDs anymore?

Probably not.

I digress.

Ah yes, I The Five Love Languages book. Why do I hate this book? Well, I hate it because it became the go-to relationship fixer upper book for anybody with any sort of issue in their relationship. Hell, I almost decided to write The Six Love Languages JUST to try to capitalize. But then I picked up a hitchhiker on the way to Florida and as I explained to him my plans he got extremely upset and began yelling, NOT SIX, FIVE! Well, needless to say that’s the last time I pick up Martin Lawrence off the highway.

Back to the book. Again.

While this book offers very good solutions, it only works if one facet of your relationship is intact…a willingness to try whatever it takes to work. If vulnerability and effort aren’t present and accounted for in your relationship, and let’s fact it, that and communication is where a lot of relationships falter, then the book for all of its glory is a one eyed one armed flying purple paperweight. Again, it’s a good book that requires effort which, if it was present in the first place, you probably wouldn’t need the book in the second place. Of course, some people need suggestions on how to give effort so perhaps its all worth it.

Bong bong.

Where am I going with this? Good question. So, two of the chapters of the book that I’ve read plenty of times are Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation (the other three love languages are Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. The perv in you can achieve the last three with one good smang session.) All are aptly titled and pretty self explanatory.

Acts of Service is means of showing love (or receiving love) via doing things to show the other person that you care. Maybe you’re not so good at expressing your love verbally, but you will mow the sh*t out of that lawn every morning if that’s what she desires. Or you’ll hook that Strawberry Gecko Lizard Sloth Lemonade up that he likes. And maybe you can’t tell if he loves you unless he shows you via his actions. So he can say it all he wants but unless you need him to catch a bullet with his teeth to save your life so that you know that it’s real. Maybe she won’t, but then again maybe she will. You get the drift.

On the other side is Words of Affirmation. Basically, you need (or somebody needs) to hear lots of compliments and/or words of appreciation. My guess is that this works with men best. In the book it talks about the power of positive reinforcement. Dogs like that sh*t too. Positively reinforce me boo. Now, I’m pretty sure that somebody saying “I Love You” isn’t necessarily a word of affirmation, but I’m gonna lump it in her to make my point, since, hell, those three words could probably implode the world and/or take the world to new heights. They’re almost as powerful as “My God can kick your God’s ass.” Power.

This was a really long way of getting to this question and wonderance. See, most women I know want all of those love languages. All the time. And all the time, they want the love languages. Jesus on the mainline swag. Tell him what you want. You show a woman you love her, then its likely you don’t say it enough. If you say you love her all the time, its probably because you aren’t showing her. I believe it was philosopher king Warren G who said it best, “I want it all.”

To be fair, I’m guessing most men probably are somewhere in the middle. We only notice sh*t when things have gotten out of hand one way or another. We like it when you cook, and you stop that sh*t. Wholesale. Actually, its like when you piss of a woman, she quits everything at once. She ain’t using her words, hands, mouth, credit card or anything. That’s when us men start begging you to tell us that you still love us. Y’all always do. Awwwwwwww….

So here’s a question, if you could only have one: either your significant other showed you they loved but never said it, or always said it (and you know they meant it) but never really showed it…what would you chose? And why?

Do you need words or deeds?#BARS

And you can’t have both.

What means the world to you? What COULDN’T you live without in a relationship?

If You Love Me Say It! If You Want Me Show It

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